Introduction
In a series of Christian, romance audio books I have been listening to, each villain’s number one motivation for his or her crimes has been revenge for the loss of a loved one in his/her life. Author Lynette Eason used her Elite Guardians series to show that her villains had an absolute need to forgive.
Emotional Anguish Regarding Forgiving
Imperfect people use the free will the Creator gave them to hurt, kill, and destroy the sense of safety and peace (shalom?) of their victims. Male relatives of my first wife subjected her to sexual abuse from an early age. This led to severe emotional and mental damage to her. Fortunately for her, she heard and followed the clear instructions of King Jesus to forgive those who hurt her. Yes, she still struggled against the emotional and mental damage inflicted, but her decision to forgive helped her to be a sweet, loving wife, mother, and friend to those around her. She learned early how to overcome the confusion surrounding forgiveness.
Confusion Surrounding Forgiveness.
Jesus spoke clearly the two recorded times He taught His followers how to pray. He said,
For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. (Matthew 6:14-15)
Loving God that He is, Jesus said this for the benefit of those wronged, not for those who did the wrong.
Of course, evil-inspired people have twisted those words into weapons to keep control over those being wronged. Women and children have been advised – if not forced – to forgive their abusers and to stay in harmful interactions with them. This was not the Master’s intent.
Clear Teaching of God’s Will
In their series on the Sermon on the Mount for the Bible Project, Tim Mackie and Jon Collins clear up the confusion and remove the twisted, evil deceptions. Tim and Jon make clear that forgiving one who has wronged us is a matter of our hearts. People have done damage to their relationship with us, if not horrible damage to our bodies, souls, and spirits. As with Lynette Eason’s villains, failure to forgive and seeking to take vengeance further damages us. That is why the Righteous Judge (Psalms 7:11, 9:4) said, “Vengeance is Mine. I will repay.” (Deuteronomy 32:35)
He requires us, the victims, to trust Him for the punishment of evil and for healing of our bodies, minds, and hearts. He wants us to obey His command to let Him make things right. We are not His instruments of vengeance.
Protection from Further Wrong
Tim and Jon continued to show that Jesus taught His followers,
“If your brother sins against you, go to him and show him his fault. But do it privately, just between yourselves. If he listens to you, you have won your brother back. But if he will not listen to you, take one or two other persons with you, so that ‘every accusation may be upheld by the testimony of two or more witnesses,’ as the scripture says. And if he will not listen to them, then tell the whole thing to the church. Finally, if he will not listen to the church, treat him as though he were a pagan or a tax collector. (Matthew 18:15-17)
This is a process for protecting those wronged against and for exposing and stopping those who do wrong.
Healing for the Survivors
Survivors of abuse struggle against the anger, fear, and pain caused by the abuse done to them. They must overcome the lies about their sense of selves – their identities – and about God’s goodness. They must deal with the anger, fear, and pain of their experiences, usually endured more than once. And these were endured when the victims were most vulnerable, most able to be damaged.
Because of this damage, because of the destruction of safety and peace, survivors have ongoing struggles against the lies concerning present and future safety and peace. Trust in God’s wisdom and goodness helps.
One part of this healing is in focusing on the needs of others. Jesus calls each of us to lay down our lives – “…you must forget yourself, take up your cross every day, and follow me.” (Luke 9:23) – and to serve Him by serving others. Paul wrote, “…the one thing I do, however, is to forget what is behind me and do my best to reach what is ahead.” (Philippians 3:13). Put your minds on the needs of others, “Fill your minds with those things that are good and that deserve praise: things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and honorable.” (Philippians 4:8) This helps us forget our own pain. This is the way to healing.
Questions
Absolute need to forgive
Have you been hurt by the actions of others? (Who has not?) Cry out to God for justice. Trust Him to avenge.
Do you still hurt from the evil done to you? Find someone who will hear you out and offer comfort from Holy Spirit. Find people who will pray with you for healing of the wounds of the heart, mind, and body.